My first computer lesson in the 80’s came with a foam rubber brick. Why? Those blasted machines tried to make fools of us. We could throw the brick at any computer that misbehaved. Nowadays, we often can’t even see the machine that needs the brick. It’s hiding in the cloud.
Cloud? There is no cloud. It’s just someone else’s computer. See that? Someone is using our own language to fool us. And the tricks just keep coming.
Disappearing buttons
Last year, the IRS website instructed me to click a button that wasn’t there. I opened a different browser and tried again. Yep, there was the alleged button. How? Why? Well, web browsers are as varied as cell phones. Programmers have to keep up with all their little browser quirks. Something is bound to fall through the cracks. Sometimes it’s whole buttons.
Lost Programs
Things sure fall through the cracks on our home computers. Hopefully you know how to use the search function in your file manager. Have you ever lost an entire progra… Er… app? See that? Dang language pirates. Well, first of all, we don’t misplace apps. We misplace their start buttons, which are called shortcuts. They’re kind of slippery. You can make new ones, or you can launch a search party. On a PC, click the Windows icon and start typing appy’s name. On a Mac, click the magnifying glass, or press Command+Spacebar. Tech support reps almost always send me this route to find system settings.
Invisible Doors
Remember when you could spot a hyperlink by its blue underline? Remember getting carried away with it on Wikipedia, clicking through countries and centuries? Or was that just me? Remember seeing your first beautiful, clean web page and wondering how to do anything on it?
My first invisible doors were on J.K. Rowlings’ website. The home page filled my whole computer screen with an old fashioned writer’s office buried in books. A little spider was crawling around. But where’s her bio? I tried to click the spider but he evaded me. While chasing him, I saw my arrow turn into a finger. Aha! Click that ink bottle! Rowlings’ wizard webmaster had hyperlinked parts of the picture instead of words. Nowadays, even offline programs and settings jump out of hiding when a mouse passes by. My takeaway: when you can’t see, just start feeling around.
Outsmart the Pranks
These are just a few of the pranks I’ve learned to stand up to. If your computer is trying to fool you, bring it to the SPVCA computer class on Mondays. We’ll get to the bottom of it.
Meanwhile, if you want to strengthen your prank meter, I recommend this children’s game called Find the Candy at CoolMathGames.com. It starts out simple, like that first gimme question at trivia. Then it gradually pulls your rusty brain cells out of hiding, one tricky click at a time. You will applaud yourself at the end.
This article was originally published in the South Ponte Vedra Civic Association newsletter on 3/1/2022.